The Land of Lost Items…

My sister likes to tell me every single item in the house has a proper “home” or a place where the item “lives.”  I frequently leave spices tucked away on the counter that I use all the time as well as my measuring spoons which rest in the drainer by the sink.  If the hurricane that is my sister has whipped through the kitchen, you can bet all the marbles that she has placed everything in their proper nooks and crannies!  When it comes time for her belongings or my husband’s, that is a totally different story!  At least two or three times a week, the hubby calls to ask me where his wallet is!  Just last week we drove between our town and the two neighboring ones looking for his wallet.  The thought of cancelling his cards and standing in line at DMV was just too daunting.  I asked him when was the last time he saw the wallet.  In the car was his reply.  We took everything out of the car and NOTHING!  He decided to drive off to the bank to cancel his cards and I would research what he needed for his license.  Surprise!  The hubby called to let me know the vanishing wallet has been found…in a secret cubby in his car that he had forgotten about!  How do you forget about this if YOU PLACED THE WALLET IN THERE?!?  Over the weekend he called from work asking if I had seen his hearing aids.  My query – why aren’t they in your ears?  He told me he had forgotten to put them in after his shower…  He didn’t remember to put them back in their box on his night table.  Where were they?  On top of his DVD rack!  WTF!  This morning’s phone call concerned his house and car keys.  He misplaced them.  The last place I had seen these were by the stove.  He looked and no such luck!  I thought that was odd because I intentionally didn’t touch them!  Lo and behold, Hurricane Sister had swept through and placed them in the basket with my keys!  Onto the sister!  Where oh where are her reading glasses?  I collected all her eyeglass cases and left them in the kitchen on the shelf with mine along with the house keys.  I even located all three pairs and matched them to the corresponding case. All the cases are EMPTY!  I found one pair in the bathroom and another tucked between the cushions on the couch.  The third pair, a Tiffany blue, is totally MIA!  Will these be found before her next business trip at the end of the week?  Only the elves who sneak off with our belongings know!  To quote my sister’s BFF, “Saint Anthony, something has been lost that can’t be found…”  He actually responded!  “Yes, I know!  Their minds!”

Fear…

“I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.”

Bene-Gesserit Litany against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune

Fear…we all experience it.  There is some aspect within our lives that leaves us frightened and maybe even trembling.  Me?  I’m frightened of critters aka insects especially spiders, heavy winds, blackouts…and rejection.  In the past, my sister and I were rejected by extended family.  We grew up in a very small, insular familial group and currently have very few close blood-relatives.  Several moons ago, I was rejected by someone I loved very deeply.  I couldn’t place one foot in front of the other for several years until I was ready.  The new path lead me to my husband!  Most recently I was rejected by my long-term employer.  I provided 16 years of loyal, unwavering service to this company all for what?  A severance package not equal to the number of years I worked and a verbal promise of a good reference.  I FEAR!  I fear being unable to find new employment.  I fear finding a new position.  I fear starting all over.  I fear TRUSTING a new employer and remaining loyal to a company that may choose to reject me as soon as an acceptance letter is drafted.  I FEAR!  Fear is not logical; it is emotional.  I know I need to move past this point and walk into my future.  This isn’t easy to accomplish but I KNOW I must do this!  Fifteen months is long enough!  I will face my fear and only I will remain!

Friendship…

Friendship takes many forms.  In the past there was the Rat Pack and later the Brat Pack.  On television there were the “Friends” who gathered at Central Perk.  Recently, the silver screen presented the audience with the escapades of Harry, Ron and Hermione.  In reality, an individual is considered very lucky to have and maintain long-term friendships whether it is with one specific person or a group.  I am fortunate.  I have a trio of women I consider my friends and sisters!  The first I met many moons ago in nursery school when we had barely passed through toddler-hood!  She had a head of hair consisting of beautiful curls (now straightened) whereas mine was baby fine and stick-straight!  We gravitated toward each other and have been a part of each others lives since then.  We lift each other up when we’re down, call to laugh and run to the other when we scream “HELP!”  A few lunar cycles passed and I met the other two ladies.  Our sorority brought us together as friends.  One is a displaced Southerner who moved with her family as a child to New England and the other is a native New Englander and is my little Sorority sister.  The Southerner is blunt.  She aims right at the bullseye and speaks from the head and the heart!  My little and I had a similar upbringing.  Conversation has always been easy between the two of us.  We don’t all share similar likes.  My oldest friend and I share similar political views as opposed to my two sorority sisters.  The Southerner and I have similar religious values.  My little and I agree upon family and familial relationships.  The traits they have in common are giving great hugs, being phenomenal listeners and providing much-needed advice!  I can go on and extol upon their virtues but they have seen inside my heart.  These are my friends…my sisters!  I love them from here to the moon and back!

Go Fund Me…

This week will make 15 months that I have been unemployed.  I have reached out to potential permanent employers, contract positions as well as temporary assignments and store positions without a bite.  I have had my ups and downs and during this time I have been supported by my sister and husband as well as a trio of friends I have known and loved forever.  One of these friends a few months ago set up a Go Fund Me account on my behalf to save my Mother’s belongings that were in storage.  She succeeded and I will forever be in her debt!  My husband was let go from his job early in June.  His employer was slow to pay him what was owed for a final paycheck plus vacation pay and unemployment would not kick in for a while.  My husband created a Go Fund Me account to assist with monthly bills – car payments, insurance, cell phones, etc.  The money was not used for anything luxurious – no evenings out, fancy dinners, theater, travel…  It was totally dedicated to our monthly bills.  The reason for this post?  I found a reference on FaceBook today which was quite denigrating to individuals who have set up Go Fund Me accounts.  The insinuation was that we need to work and, if necessary, more than one job.  Yes, if possible we would hold down more than one job IF WE COULD EVEN FIND A COMPANY WILLING TO OFFER US EMPLOYMENT!  My husband is fortunate and will be starting a new position next week.  I have spent this week reaching out to recruiters and companies that I have applied to without any results.  On behalf of my husband and myself, I do thank the individuals who have assisted us.  For those who are “pointing fingers,” please tuck your soapbox away and speak to the two of us directly.

Stress…

Some days are good; some days not so good.  I am making my sister physically ill.  This lady has been my absolute ROCK since I was laid off last year.  She has sent out my resume for me when my computer has acted up…performed job searches…ferreted out names and contact information for recruiters…  I can’t thank her enough!  So far all her efforts and mine have been for naught.  I have had NO NIBBLES over the course of the past 15 months!  Last week her stomach started acting up.  We are both prone to nervous stomachs but she had a severe ulcer shortly after graduating from college.  With a great deal of perseverance, the stomach healed and she was pain-free until recently.  All weekend long, she has looked pale and was barely picking at her meals.  In my heart, I knew she was worrying over my lack of employment and household bills but she remained quiet until an hour ago.  Her words poured out of her like water over a cataract.  They tumbled and boiled.  The intention was not to wound but to make me realize that my lack of employment is affecting those who love me.  Yes, I am frightened of rejection!  I spent 16 years with the former employer and it was all for NOTHING!  I question every resume I send out, wondering if I’m up to the task.  I know that whoever hires me will be quite fortunate as I am erudite and loyal.  I perform my job superbly!  I just wish companies could see beyond the paper; read between the lines.  How do I compete with a Millennial as most employers seem gung-ho to hire these chippies?  I don’t know but I do realize I need to in order to keep my sister happy and healthy!

RLS…

The initials may not be familiar to you but, unfortunately, I have been living with this for over 20 years.  RLS is Restless Leg Syndrome.  Some doctors believe there is a genetic predisposition for this; however, I am the only one in my immediate family that suffers from it.  RLS is not fun but it is not life-threatening.  What does it feel like?  As though my legs have a mind of their own.  My lower limbs start feeling “antsy” in the evening.  It feels as though my legs want to take off and walk or run while I am trying to rest.  I am exhausted but I am up for a good portion of the night, walking through the house, hoping the feelings will dissipate or I attempt to rest with a heating pad alternating between the limbs depending upon which one is giving me the most grief.  I wind up sleeping later into the morning as the “twitches” ease up.  For the remainder of the day, my extremities feel like lead.  Not much can be done to alleviate the symptoms.  There are some drugs on the market that help with RLS; however, one of the side effects is potential liver damage according to my doctor.  I can live without a drug in my life for my legs.  There are other mitigating factors – anemia (which I have had since I was a teenager), low magnesium and zinc levels.  I do supplement with these items but this week has been ROUGH!  Most nights I have not fallen asleep until between 3 and 4 AM!  Last night was between 5 and 6 AM!  If you also happen to suffer from RLS, I found a lot of great information through a FaceBook group Restless Leg Syndrome RLS (Willis-Eckbom Disease) and the Restless Legs Syndrome Foundation or rls.org.  There is no cure but I am putting one foot in front of the other and am moving on!