The Land of Lost Items returned with a vengeance this weekend and it has left me physically and emotionally drained! I love the hubby TO BITS but he has never had his head attached to his shoulders when it comes to his belongings! Last week he went out to start his car…nothing happened. The dash lit up…there was power in the battery but the car wouldn’t start. My husband, the most mechanically illiterate individual I know (other than the sister) diagnosed the problem correctly! Somehow the anti theft mechanism on the car had been activated which nullified his key! He had the car towed to the dealership where they reprogrammed the car and issued a new key. Fine and dandy! Friday he announced that he had to go to the bank. It was very hush, hush, secret secret! I finally was able to determine what had happened…he misplaced his check book. Off to the bank he went and returned with a new account and new checks. Yesterday morning the poop hit the fan! The new car key was gone… Poof! It had disappeared! I have been asking him to please leave his keys in the basket in the kitchen for several years but, being the male of the species, he knows best! We turned the house upside down looking for that key without any luck. The Weather Channel could have produced a special on the state of our home! Dejected, he left for work in my car…with his new checkbook. I asked if he was planning on paying bills from work. His response was no but he wanted them on hand. When he returned this morning after his overnight shift, he was FUMING! He claimed someone at work stole his checkbook! I went to look through his work bag and jacket but he yanked each away and said he already looked there. I did what any semi-calm wife would do – I got washed and dressed. I told him to give work a call just in case either item might have made a miraculous appearance. I grabbed my car key and searched every nook and cranny in that vehicle. Nada… He came running out of the house shouting someone at work had found his checkbook and he needed me to drive him back. Okay… I guess he wanted my company? We got into the car, I looked at the gas gauge and I had barely an 1/8 of a tank of gas. He said he’ll give me money when we return home. I informed him I’d like to get gas on our way to his employer. No! I had enough plus a little surplus the car manufacturer adds into the tank. Whatever… Off we go… Before we reach our destination the car indicated that it was FAMISHED! I know we will run out of fuel before we return home. He picked up his checkbook and borrowed $5.00 from a co-worker! We are SAVED! HALLELUJAH! Another key search ensued when we arrived home but this stupid item is very elusive! The hubby still has the old key to his car – it will open the doors but not start the engine. Did I mention that he referees a football league during his free time? He starts moving the football equipment from his trunk to my car and yells to me that I have hidden a bag containing some of the items he needs for the field! WTF?!? I loathe football! Why would I disturb any of that?!? The situation had become surreal and I was on the verge of screaming at him on the street when our neighbor came running up to us and asked if we had checked our mailbox? Why? Because the hubby, in his infinite wisdom, had left his car key in the car door yesterday. When we didn’t answer the house door during Typhoon Pointless Search, she had placed the key in the mailbox! I tend to think she is a good luck charm because the missing football equipment made a miraculous reappearance! Hugs ensued all around! By any chance, does anyone need a gently used hubby, free of charge? He mows lawns, takes out garbage and you will always be on your toes because who knows what he’ll misplace next! Vent over! Where is the sister and a good bottle of wine?!?


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