It’s been several weeks since I’ve shared my thoughts.  Where have I been?  Wallowing…  I have been trying to dig myself out of the abyss…the inky, dark hole where some people venture after losing long-term jobs.  I have been feeling like a failure…I let myself and my family down when I lost my job.  There is a hitch – I’m not a failure!  I had become comfortable and complacent.  I truly believed I would remain with my last position until I retired!  This was a pipe dream!  With the exception of one individual within my “geographical” department, I liked my co-workers and considered them friends.  Two were special and became my office “husband” and “brother.”  I miss these guys BUT I don’t miss the employer!  My position was just that – a job.  It was not a career.  When my position was “eliminated,” I gave the former employer “permission” to knock me down…make me feel unwanted…not needed.  In my mind, this job was the end-all and be-all.  Not true…  I know I would be a great benefit to any organization – I just need to believe it with my whole heart and being.  I need to reprogram my mind to acknowledge this part of my employment voyage has ended and another one is around the corner!  I am still SEETHING with anger at the former employer – this corporation that is so narrow-minded and primarily youth-oriented.  Numbers are the key figure; however, it is patrician-heavy and plebeian-shy.  I’ll land on my feet again – I have a good support system and I just need to start believing in myself again!


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